Tell Me Why

Well its been a while since I've posted anything on here, and for those of you who check up on this site, I apologize.  Life has been a bit busy as of late.  Let me get you up to speed here since you come here because you're so interested in what I've got going on.  I started school at Northwest Shoals Community College.  It isn't nearly as bad as I expected.  I have been on a feverish job hunt.  It is as bad as expected.  Also, I have spent the last week at a good bit of Step Sing practices.  Although I am not in the show, Kappa Sigma has been practicing at my mom's place of employment so I hung out, watched, listened, critiqued, annoyed, and enjoyed my brothers.  That's about it.  Not much of a good excuse for skipping a month of posts but its all I got. 

"So what's on your mind Josh?" you ask.  That's a damn good question.  The truth is, alot of things are on my mind.  The problem is, I have to decide which one to tell you people about. 


As you have seen in three posts before, I am inspired by music.  Maybe not inspired.  Motivated could be a better word.  Move would be a good word too.  Anyway, what I'm getting at is that music makes me think of things to write.

Today's inspiration is a song by the Backstreet Boys.  No, I do not listen to the Backstreet Boys.  However, I saw a tweet mentioning them today and I have had a song by them stuck in my head ever since.  I don't know the name of the song but the song in my head has this line in it, "Tell me why."

"Why?" is a question that affects us all.

"Why does our president suck?"

"Why are Alabama fans arrogant and ignorant?"

"Why will any Alabama fan reading this instantly discredit anything that I say after asking the previous question?"

"Why is the speed limit 35 when this is clearly a straight road with very few residences?"

"Why would you rush ATO when there is Kappa Sigma?"

All of these questions are clearly biased and should be recognized as slightly sarcastic.  Here's the reasons behind that little list. 1. It cleared my head a tad. 2. As I listed questions, you asked yourself, "Why would he ask that?"  See what I did there children?  Nearly everything in life can lead to an asking of "Why?" 

I have a few big "Why's?" in my life, a lot more little ones, and a million miniscule ones.  I know you want me to, so I will run down a few of  the big ones.

Why was I never given a chance?
I hear the thought in your head already.  "Is this dude really gonna talk about the Helen girl again?"  Yes, yes I am.  Six years people, going on seven.  As much as it shouldn't be, it is still a part of my life.  This is a dead horse that you will see me beat the ever loving shit out of if you read this blog.  Redundancy aside, I will explain this quickly.  When you only have one serious experience in your life in terms of love, when you have as much invested as I have, and when that person is still in your life taunting your lonely existance, you draw on it.  You write about it.  You live it and possibly, learn from it.  I'm not one to sit here and say that I'm a knight in shining armor.  I've been as awful as awful gets, but I know for damn sure that I could have done better than what she has had and can do better than what she has.  When you see someone you love drug through the mud by anywhere from 3-6 people, (depending on how specific I am) you can't help but wonder why it isn't you getting your chance when so many people have ahead of you.  I'm no saint, I'm not the best person, hell I'm a guy which sets me back further, but I know how I feel.  I know that I value her more than she is being valued.  I'm not a smart man Jenny, but I know what love is.  "Why" is a torturing word in this situation.  I will never know why it didn't happen unless I finally get an answer, which doesn't look promising.

Why do bad things happen to good people?
This is an age old question.  My dad is the best man I know.  I don't just say that because he is my father.  I say it because he truly is.  He has done what he loved since he got out of college.  If I introduce anyone to myself in the Cloverdale area, (where my dad grew up) I always get the question, "Are you Braxton's son?"  He is a man of character and faith.  My dad has worked his ass off since he started and never stopped.  He has built tons of houses and fixed and remodeled even more.  He pays his taxes, goes to church, volunteers for charity and anything you would ask of a good person.  Why can my dad not find any work?  Some may think that the easy answer is the economic situation but I want more than that.  I don't understand why such a good person has to struggle to make a living now.  I'm not complaining about our finances.  I have food in my belly, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head.  I have student loans so I don't have to ask my dad for money.  However, I see my father's frustration when he has to stay at home because there are no houses to build, no leaks to fix, and no holes to patch.  It just makes me wonder why.

Why do the good die young?
On December 27th, 2011 I lost my pledge brother Chad Silcox.  This will not be the only time I talk about him.  I actually have a large post I am working on about him.  However, he ties in to this theme.  When Chad died, "Why?" was the biggest question in my mind.  Why didn't I know him better?  Why did this happen?  Its such a hard pill to swallow.  When someone close to you passes away at a young age, or any age, you just wonder why it happened.  This paragraph is admittedly small compared to the previous because I have so much more to say about Chad.  However, I know that the main point has been made.

If you think I'm comparing being alone and people dying, I am not.  What I am getting at is the question that situations like those bring.  "Why?" is a question that bombards us at every turn in life.

Why am I even writing about this miniscule question that everyone should get over and deal with?  The point is that sometimes the answer never comes.  Too many times in life we get hung up with this and dwell on it.  I am the worst about it.  Remember that dead horse I keep beating?  It is frustrating to question the reasons behind things and it certainly hurts.  I have no solution and I doubt anyone does.  My only remedy is to try and not question things as much and try to roll with the punches.