My Excuse Is That I'm Young

Well I haven't written the next part of my short story.  My time has been spoken for lately.  I just turned in an eight and six page research for English and Sociology. It really sucked writing them. But if you have questions about white collar crime or Ernest Hemingway, I'm the man to ask.  I've also been busy with fraternity stuff lately. It has been an average semester so far. I promised myself that I would keep this updated often, but lying to myself is nothing new to me. 

Like many other entries and as the title says, this entry is inspired by music. I know it has been out for months but I'm just now getting into Take Care, a Drake album.  Its a solid album.  I'd suggest it to any rap fan or any pop fan. It has a feel to it like 808's and Heartbreak by Kanye. Not as much rapping as expected and some r&b vibes. Drake has his songs that he is the typical rap star talking about fame, sex, and money. The intriguing thing about this album is the songs that talk about how fame hasn't filled the holes in his life and hasn't ultimately made him a happy person. I can relate a little.

I haven't achieved worldwide fame and money like Drake has. However, I know where he is coming from. Fame is what he thought he wanted. Money was supposed to make him happy. The weed, the lean, the women. They were all supposed to make him happy. The way I relate is that I've achieved something that hasn't been everything I thought it would be.

Last fall I rushed. Pledgeship and initiation were some of the best things to happen to me. Before pledgeship, I had one brother. Pledgeship gave me ten. Initiation gave me forty. Going Greek was the best choice that I have ever made. However, the fraternity didn't fulfil all that I thought it would. In my mind, becoming a brother would solve everything in my life. I would have friends for life, have people to be around all the time, party whenever I wanted, and have women flocking to me.  I don't think I'm the only person guilty of high expectations of everything falling into place by themselves. 

The fact is, being in a fraternity did give me friends to be around constantly. However, it doesn't mean that I don't have to work towards building relationships with my brothers. I am around girls all the time but, that hasn't made me any less skeptical of asking a girl for her number. I can chat a girl up all day long, but when it comes to anything past small talk, I'm still nervous as a seventh grader.

I guess my main point is that expecting something you do or achieve to fix everything is unrealistic. Do not get me wrong. I love my fraternity with everything, but it didn't make me into a completely different person without problems and a past.

There is a song on Take Care called Marvin's Room. In the song, Drake is at a party and finds himself drunk and going through his phone for old flames. He calls one and more or less says that he is intoxicated, has had plenty of women in the last week, and is famous. However, he still asks someone he has loved and lost to stay on the phone and take the weight off his shoulders. The way I relate is that I have been so blessed in life and in my fraternity but, I still find myself intoxicated wanting to talk to the person I love most. I still have weight on my shoulders that only they can carry. As Drake says, I end up just wanting to call and say, "I'm just sayin, you could do better."

On Take a Shot for Me, Drake is a bit more mean. He uses his fame to get back at an ex. It is a song that hits a nerve pretty hard with me. "I made it. Yeah, I made it. First I made you who you are and then I made it." Sometimes you can't help but to say you made someone who they are. Especially when you were with them through their toughest times in life. The best part of the song is when he says, "And the voice in your speaker, that's me." I won't ever record a song and be the voice in some one's speaker. However, sometimes my biggest wish is to be the voice in some one's ear. I want to be the person in my drunk dial victim's ear. When they end up occupying your mind so much, isn't it normal for you to want them to feel the same?

Chapter 4

In tenth grade, I was given a journal assignment in English class.  My teacher said it needed to be about the Bible.  However we wanted to approach it was fine, we just had to write about something from the Bible.  My journal was about the story of Cain and Abel.  We had recently studied figurative language so I thought I would use every bit of figurative language I could.  It was about Abel trying to flee the Lord after murdering his brother.  I thought I was just throwing around descriptive words and hoped for a decent grade.  Turns out that what I wrote was pretty good.  I made a 100 and my English teacher encouraged me to sign up for the creative writing class that started the next semester.  I signed up and loved the class.  Tenth grade was when I realized one of the few talents in my life.  Since that time, writing has come natural to me.  I do it for enjoyment and to get my thoughts out.  This will be the first time in quite a while that I have written a short story.  It will be divided into chapters.  I hope you all enjoy it.

Tell Me Why

Well its been a while since I've posted anything on here, and for those of you who check up on this site, I apologize.  Life has been a bit busy as of late.  Let me get you up to speed here since you come here because you're so interested in what I've got going on.  I started school at Northwest Shoals Community College.  It isn't nearly as bad as I expected.  I have been on a feverish job hunt.  It is as bad as expected.  Also, I have spent the last week at a good bit of Step Sing practices.  Although I am not in the show, Kappa Sigma has been practicing at my mom's place of employment so I hung out, watched, listened, critiqued, annoyed, and enjoyed my brothers.  That's about it.  Not much of a good excuse for skipping a month of posts but its all I got. 

"So what's on your mind Josh?" you ask.  That's a damn good question.  The truth is, alot of things are on my mind.  The problem is, I have to decide which one to tell you people about. 

Wonderful

"I just don't understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes, and tell me everything is wonderful now."

Make Me Proud

Sound is the strongest sense tied to memory.  The deodorant commercial that said that smell is the strongest sense tied to memory is full of shit.  That being said, songs will always remind me of someone.  Any song that means anything has someone tied to it or a time tied to it in my mind.  Even songs that don't seem to be that deep or emotional can do it.  This song has just recently made some sense to me.  It doesn't matter if someone does what you want all the time.  I always try to look at the fact that things can be worse.  Progress is in the eye of the beholder and I have seen people been through insane shit and still make it out with an occasional smile.  No matter what you do, someone is proud of you. 

 

I know things get hard.
But girl you got it, girl you got it there you go.
Can't you tell by how they looking at you everywhere you go?
Wondering what's on your mind, it must be hard to be that fine.

When all these motherfuckers wanna waste your time,
It's just amazing, girl, and all I can say is...

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so,
I'm so proud of you
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so,
I'm so proud of you
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so,
I'm so proud of you

Everything's adding up, you've been through hell and back that's why you bad as fuck.

And you know you are.

 

Homophobia

The title of this entry has already struck fear and anger into the hearts and minds of some people who may eventually read it.  However, have no fear.  This is simply my commentary and explanation on my feelings about this increasingly important social issue and an ever growing issue with the people in my life.

I won't give the time and effort to type out the word "homosexual" every time I say it in this entry.  We all know what homosexuality is and I will make it very clear that when I use the word "gay" and "gays", I am not using it in a derogatory sense.  It is simply how society identifies homosexuals and if my Sociology book calls them gays, that is politically correct enough for me.

Just like my Helen of Troy entry, I have done my research.  Although it was Wikipedia research, it was research nonetheless.  This isn't a term paper so Wikipedia is allowed.

Homophobia Wiki

"Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood" - Coretta Scott King 

Helen of Troy

If any of you reading this notice the times that I post new entries and when I will most likely post entries from now on, you will see that it is late. I have to be at Northwest Shoals to iron out complications in registration in about three hours, and I have a job interview in six.  In my mind, all things that seem important in life take a back seat when the contents of my mashed up mind need an escape.  I can't scream them, I can't put them in a song, and I sure as hell can't share these thoughts with the people they're about because, let's face it, they either don't give two shits or they are too caught up with their own stuff to understand.  So now I will share them with you, which for the moment means I will share them with Jordan Brasher, the only person I know who follows this page.

Something that you may notice that I say alot is "if you know me" because I don't know who looks at this.  If you know me, you will know the situations I write of and if you don't, you will be left in the dark.  I can't bring myself to put someone's name on the internet.  After all, anyone in the world who types "Bypass the Bullshit Blogspot" on Google will see this and smearing someone's "good reputation" (air quotes) on the internet is about as shitty as the people I have had the pleasure of knowing.  With that being said, if you know me, you know what's up.  If you don't know me, my friends, the pleasure of my social and relationship status, or my surroundings, you will in due time.  For now, just as I said in my first post, suspend reality and become me for a while.  Its pretty fun sometimes.